Welcome to this week’s Sex Worker Lives. Today I bring you Katie, all the way from London. I was interested in Katie when I spoke with her on Twitter at @subbykatie. She identified herself as a “Professional Submissive”, something which I had not come across before. So I asked her some questions….
1. A month ago, I spoke with Mistress Jadis, a Professional Domme. I became instantly became attracted to your story because you categorise yourself as a Professional Submissive. How would you describe your “job description”?
Well, I think that, just like a Domme or, really, anyone in the sex work industry, I provide my clients with a safe, non-judgmental space in which they can be themselves as well as who they fantasize being. I also provide intimacy and affection. I think people hear “pro sub” and assume that it is all me being tied up, spanked, etc but it is so much more then that. I suppose it is a tricky question to answer as every client is different.
I think that men today are brought up thinking violence against women is wrong, and please don’t get me wrong, I think that that is a very good thing. The thing with that is some people, men and women, have a very Dominate side and don’t then know what to do with that and feel they can never express it as it might come off as them wanting to be abusive, which, anyone in the BDSM world will tell you, it isn’t. I suppose I allow my clients to freely express and act upon those desires. They know that not only are they enjoying it but, generally, so am I. BDSM might be more mainstream now but it still has a stigma, I think especially for Dominant men, and perhaps submissive women. I take that stigma away.
2. Were you a sex worker by profession who then chose to specialise as a Professional Submissive or did you enter the profession with the intent of being a Professional Submissive?
I actually started working as a switch at a Dungeon in New York but I have always been extremely submissive by nature and the Domme role always felt forced. I think that if you are uncomfortable doing something it comes across to the client and I don’t think that is fair to the worker or the client. I think enjoying what you do in this line of work is very important so I stopped switching and started doing strictly submissive sessions. Best decision ever.
3. How would you define sexuality?
Sexuality is being human. Whether we choose to admit it or not we all are driven, at least in some part by our own base desires. It is a part of all of us. Some of us decide that is evil, some of us embrace it, some are in between but it is there, always.
I suppose I find it fascinating as it is something different to everyone. For me it is life. I have always been (or I suppose since puberty) a very sexual person and I thankfullly grew up in a home where sex wasn’t thought of as evil or dirty so I was able to learn about and enjoy my own sexuality without shame. I am so thankful for that.
4. How do you assist your clients in developing their sexuality?
Well I suppose I touched on this in the first question. Most of my clients are very uncomfortable, if not with their sexuality, then with admitting to the Dom aspect of it. I allow them the chance to be comfortable with that. I have some clients who are very experienced yet have no outlet. I also have some that want to explore their Dom side but they want to do it safely and somewhere they know they can ask questions. I also have clients that want me to teach them the proper way to use certain items they are curious about like canes or floggers. I suppose I give my clients the opportunity to explore anything while staying safe. (well, almost anything. Everyone has their hard limits. hehehe)
5. If I asked you to pack ten items into a bag before a booking, what would those items be?
Only 10!? Oh goodness, let’s see…flogger, paddle, cane, rope or bondage tape, ball gag, condoms, lube, cleansing face wipes, make-up, brush.
6. If you could say one thing to fellow Professional Submissives, what would it be?
I would say, stand up!!!! Don’t be afraid or ashamed. I used to work in an all submissive…brothel, for lack of a better term, and none of those girls, outside of there, referred to themselves as “pro-sub”. I think there is a bit of a stigma to it, even in the sex work world and that needs to stop. We might not be a huge or outspoken group but we are here and we need to let our presence be known. Also, if you would allow me, I think there are two very important things I would like to say to people starting out.
The first would be don’t do it if you don’t enjoy being submissive, I saw so many girls think that because they did escort work they could do pro-sub work and they were miserable. One can act in role-play or even in bondage but when you’re bent over taking a caning or even a hard spanking the pain is very real and if you don’t want or like that please don’t put yourself in that siguation. It certainly isn’t good for you nor is it fair to your clients. The clients never want to cause pain to someone who isn’t enjoying it.
The second would be to trust your instincts. This job does, at times, mean you are tied up, means you are very vulnerable, basically you are allowing yourself, obviously, to be dominated. Meet your clients ahead of time, even if just 30 minutes before your session actually starts for coffee or a glass of wine. Get a feel for them, if something feels off, even if it is just a gut feeling, say you’re sorry and leave.
7. If you, on behalf of Professional Submissives, could say one thing to the greater sex work industry, what would it be?
I guess this sort of goes back to the last question. I think because we are few or, at least, not outspoken, we are sort of overlooked. I also have personally experienced a kind of, how would you say, contempt, well that might be to strong a word, amongst other sex workers. I was actually asked once, by a fellow sex worker, if I didn’t think that what I did made her job riskier as clients would assume everyone would be willing to be tied up and have clamps put on their nipples. So I guess to answer your question, I would say, please, give us just as much respect as you would give anyone in the industry. I promise you that professional submissives are strong women. Please never overlook or underestimate us.
8. Who are you outside of your Professional Submissive “persona”? How would you describe yourself when outside of your professional role?
It’s an odd question to answer I suppose as my professional life blends into my personal life. I am very much into the BDSM/fetish scene in my personal life as well, as are a large group of my friends. I go out to a lot of fetish clubs, some of which I occasionally perform at, and crunches/munches (silly drunken meet ups for people in the fetish community).
I guess outside of that I am just….me. I’m an artist so I spend a lot of time sketching and drawing. I spend a lot of time with friends. I have healthy and happy relationships, which many people not in the sex work industry find hard to believe but it is a very true and real thing. I’m a massive geek so I spend a lot of time reading graphic novels, obsessing about Dr. Who, playing video games and figuring out great cosplay outfits.
I am in the process of starting my own business and am thinking of buying a flat in the next few years. Neither of which I could ever think of doing if it wasn’t for my job.
I think that I am very lucky in that almost all of my friends and family know what I do and are very supportive which means I can blend the two worlds a bit. I can meet a friend after seeing a client and tell them about my day (keeping names and such out of it, of course), or call my mom in the states and tell her about how my life is going, not having to lie about my job.
9. What would you say to a person if a person would like to explore their “dominant” sexuality but don’t know how to begin?
Can I say “hire me.”? lol No but seriously, I suppose I would tell them to embrace it, don’t ever be ashamed of it. We live in a fabulous time where the internet can give us anything so watch vidoes, research, but more then anything find like minded people or a like minded person, talking about it with others removes any stigma and let’s people be more open. There are great sites out there, such as fetlife.com that are basically Facebook for kinky people. Join (most can be joined anonymously), have fun, get comfortable and then when you feel like you want to explore it physically, make sure to do it with someone you trust (or a professional). Make sure, if you’re doing anything that involves any item that could cause serious damage (ropes, canes, floggers, clamps, the list goes on and on) you are playing with someone who knows how to handle these things. Many places give classes as well. For that type of thing I would say that the Internet can’t show you how, it needs to be physically taught.
I guess more then anything I would say that every Dom/me needs to respect their sub. We may be the submissives but we are allowing you to dominate us. We are giving ourselves to you and that is a massive thing and something that should always be respected. What would Dom/mes be without subs allowing themselves to be dominated?
10. Finish this sentence – “in a perfect world….”
Well that has a billion and one answers but I suppose I shall answer it in the context of this interview. hehehe
I guess in a perfect world the sex work industry would be looked at as any other service industry job so no one ever had to hide or be ashamed of what they do. In a perfect world the women, men and transgender people that work in the industry would never have to fear for their lives or be afraid. In a perfect world all humans no matter their sexual preferences, their job, their beliefs or their ways of seeing the world or living within the world would not be judged or persecuted. I don’t want to get all hippie or anything but I suppose in a prefect world, no matter what, there would be respect for all.
Thank you to Katie for participating in this interview – you can chat to Katie at @subbykatie.